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One of the most sobering lessons I’ve learned in ministry and leadership is this:
“Stop giving people what they don’t want.”
It may sound harsh, but it’s actually freeing—and it’s truth.
I used to carry the burden of wanting more for others than they wanted for themselves.
- I wanted to help a brother take his trucking business to the next level.
- I saw a man selling cars and dreamed of scaling it with him.
- I tried to help a single mother break cycles of poverty, but she chose the familiarity of the system.
- I wanted to help a homeless man get on his feet, but he was content staying where he was.
- I poured into a man who had a chance to be free, but mentally, he was already returning to incarceration.
And through all of it, I realized something powerful:
They didn’t ask for my help.
They didn’t want what I wanted for them.
That was on me.
I was out of order.
You see, just because you see potential in someone doesn’t mean they’re ready to walk in it.
Just because you have a vision doesn’t mean it’s your assignment to fulfill it for someone else.
This was a hard truth I had to confront.
It looked like passion.
It sounded like mentorship.
But under the surface, it was a huge heart without discernment and—worse—a form of suppressed narcissism.
Yes, I said it. Suppressed narcissism.
It’s what happens when we try to help people without invitation.
It’s when we force ourselves into someone’s life, calling it love when in reality, we’re stepping into a role God never assigned us to.
And the result?
- The energy shifts.
- The grace lifts.
- The outcomes fall apart.
- And it’s your fault.
To Those Who Experienced This Through Me:
If I ever pushed too hard…
If I forced a vision you didn’t ask for…
If I wanted more for you than you were ready to receive…
Please forgive me.
That was a season of confusion. I was still trying to figure out life, leadership, and my own calling.
It wasn’t pride—it was passion without wisdom.
A heart that meant well but lacked timing, boundaries, and clarity.
The Breaking Point That Set Me Free
When I finally broke free from that cycle, I stepped into the greatest peace, love, and freedom I’ve ever known.
I stopped trying to “fix” people.
I stopped trying to be someone else’s Holy Spirit.
And I started respecting where people are, who they are, and how they grow.
Now, I match energy. I discern before I pour.
- If someone’s ready, I show up.
- If someone’s not, I love them from the distance wisdom requires.
What I’ve Learned
✔ Love doesn’t force itself.
✔ Wisdom respects timing.
✔ Leadership knows when to stop pouring.
✔ Discernment must come before transparency.
✔ Reciprocation is a requirement—not a bonus.
Let people walk their journey.
Let God lead them into their moment.
And when your assignment aligns with their readiness—you’ll know.
Until then, lead in peace, not pressure.
Love without control.
And keep building from the inside out.
