Chapter 4: When Your Kids Don’t Believe What You Believe

Staying Anchored When Their Faith Looks Different

One of the most unsettling things for a parent—especially a faith-filled one—is when your child starts questioning the very things that anchor your life.

It’s even more painful when they don’t just question quietly but begin expressing disbelief in God, rejecting church, or exploring belief systems that completely contradict everything you’ve instilled.

It can feel like failure.

It can feel personal.

And if you’re not careful, it can turn you into something you never wanted to be: a control freak disguised as a concerned parent.

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Story: The Shift You Never Expected

I’ve had moments when one of my kids expressed things that made my stomach drop.

Doubts. Apathy. Even alignment with agnostic or atheistic thinking.

At first, it felt like I was being pulled into a spiritual emergency. My mind raced: What did I miss? Did I not pray enough? Did I fail them?

But God began to deal with me. Not them.

I heard in my spirit:

“If you panic, you lose your influence. Stay anchored. Let love lead.”

That shift changed everything. I realized this wasn’t just about their journey—it was about mine, too.

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Don’t Let It Traumatize You

Parents often internalize their children’s doubts or rebellion as personal rejection. But the truth is: they’re human beings, not robots.

They have to discover truth for themselves. And sometimes, that discovery comes through questioning, wandering, and even disagreeing.

Here’s what I learned:

• Don’t take it personally. Your child is not your faith trophy.
• Don’t try to force transformation. That belongs to the Holy Spirit.
• Don’t let fear disguise itself as “guidance.” You may mean well, but control will drive them away.

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The Power of Self-Control and Emotional Maturity

This is where you grow.

When your child disagrees with your values or beliefs, it’s a divine opportunity to practice emotional maturity:

• Stay calm.
• Ask questions, not just deliver answers.
• Show respect even when they don’t mirror it.
• Let your peace become their curiosity.

Galatians 5:22–23 reminds us that the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control and gentleness. This isn’t passive parenting—it’s spiritual leadership.

Your calm may do more than your correction ever could.

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Let Life (and God) Be the Teacher

Sometimes, our best parenting comes when we stop trying to play savior and let cause and effect do its job.

Yes, set boundaries. Yes, speak truth.

But trust that God knows how to bring things full circle.

The prodigal son didn’t return because his father chased him down. He returned because life in the far country exposed the lie.

And when he came back, his father wasn’t bitter—he was ready with love.

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What to Do When They Push Back

• Keep the door open. Let them know disagreement doesn’t mean disconnection.
• Ask questions that invite reflection. Not “Why don’t you believe?” but “What do you think shaped that view?”
• Affirm identity. Remind them who they are—especially when they forget.
• Stay rooted. Your stability is the greatest sermon they’ll ever see.

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Final Thought for This Chapter

When your kids don’t believe what you believe, don’t fall apart—rise up.

Grow in grace. Grow in patience. Grow in trust.

Because while you’re waiting for them to return to truth, God may be using the journey to deepen you, too.